


Coming undone maybe

by Miraphina Atherton (mew_tsubaki)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe, Angst, M/M, Older Characters, bc Remus is alive, bc i can
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-13
Updated: 2018-06-13
Packaged: 2019-05-21 22:24:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14923997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mew_tsubaki/pseuds/Miraphina%20Atherton
Summary: Because Remus is smart and has never been able to shut off his mind, and he really wished he could shut it off right now.





	Coming undone maybe

**Author's Note:**

> The Harry Potter characters belong to J.K. Rowling, not to me. Read, review, and enjoy! Originally written for Kylie.

If there's such a thing as reverse-hero worship, Remus is sure it's an illness. And he's got it.

He considers it karma for lying to himself—he could never have loved Dora, for he could never have loved a _woman_ —so, yeah, karma's a bitch, and Remus is no happy camper. After all, his own son is in love with a wizard, too! And, as much as Remus likes Lysander Scamander, the Lupin man can't shake the feeling that maybe _this_ is really hereditary, and he…he _made_ his son gay.

A long time ago, he liked his best mates. _Like_ -liked his best mates. Sirius was a handsome hound, and James was a devil with a beautiful angel's face…

And here Remus stands, washed out in the background, wondering what's running through James Sirius Potter's mind.

It's just a little gathering, Teddy wanting to have some of his mates hang out with him. Teddy invited his mates and some of the dearest wizards in his life to this makeshift, forget-reality-for-a-night party. Teddy and Lysander are good hosts, Remus muses. Everyone seems to be enjoying themselves. Lysander's brother, Lorcan, is getting oddly hot under the collar over some Quidditch argument with Freddie Weasley. Harry seems strangely and curtly polite with Scorpius Malfoy, but friendly enough. The two youngest there, Louis and Hugo Weasley, are quiet and near each other and look like two enemies faking being friends. But Teddy achieved what he wanted; there aren't any feuds or real arguments going on. Everything's honky-dory.

But, if that were really the case, then Remus Lupin wouldn't be having an internal struggle about James Sirius Potter being _James Sirius Potter_ and not James, not Sirius, not Potter. No, it's _James Sirius Potter_ —nothing more, nothing less.

Remus shakes his head and goes outside—Teddy won't miss his father, he visits with him nearly every day—and Remus thinks and rethinks Apparating home to get away from his stupid, teenage thoughts. Perhaps he's just missing the companionship. Maybe he's just curious about the great Harry Potter's eldest (and first) child.

Maybe he's just gone bloody nutters for thinking James Sirius Potter has a very infectious, endearing smile unlike anything he's ever seen.

No one comes out to retrieve him, so he goes back in to excuse himself politely for the night. Teddy half hears him, and Remus shrugs it off, not even thinking when James and Al exit the place right after him, not even listening himself when Al tells them he's off to go home to his longtime girlfriend.

James cracks some jokes as the joker in him is wont to do, and Remus laughs where needed, but the werewolf's mind is racing and blurring together and making him unable to walk straight enough to keep James from thinking that he's had too much to drink…which of course he didn't, but James doesn't know that. James slings an arm around his shoulders and laughs as they walk—wait, wasn't Remus supposed to be Apparating home?—but James doesn't seem to be in any hurry to go home, really, despite having left the party earlier than the rest.

"Never thought I'd see someone do something so stupid," James comments, a laugh somewhat like a bark escaping him.

Remus disjointedly chuckles, not bothering to correct the much younger man that no, he indeed is quite sober. Too sober, in fact—if he were any more sober, he'd be afraid of just asking what's running through James Sirius Potter's mind, the mind behind that soft brown hair and those near-black eyes and that wicked grin that's not his family's but very much his own.

James curses and rummages through his own pockets, jostling Remus' arm, but the werewolf doesn't care. Then it comes: "Shit, I left my wand and keys at Teddy's… Can I crash on your couch? You, er, do still have a couch right? Didn't sell it or destroy it or anything?"

Remus says yes, he's got a couch like any sane person, and the quip draws a lovely grin on that face. Remus even forgives the poke at him being old and a wolf, but none of that has ever really mattered because wizards are wizards, right? And, while not immortal they sure do live a while, so thirty or forty years almost seems like a mere ten. And Remus has been able to control the wolf ninety-nine percent of the time—he subtracts one percent for that _one_ time he forgot to take his potion…but he's sure Harry told his kids that story at some point, and Remus isn't one to harp on his condition.

So shuffling steps and a quick Disapparition and the two wizards are there at the dingy-looking brownstone. Remus lets them in and knows he's wired, not tired, and he's wondering just how the hell he'll sleep tonight.

James unabashedly claims the only room in the house—Remus'—and shucks some of his clothing, only to pause to wish his host a good night. Then he's easily dead asleep, and Remus can't keep his mind from wandering, his heart from pounding, his blood from rushing, and his feelings from spiraling out of control.

The werewolf takes the couch, because that's what a good person would do. And, even though he's known James Sirius Potter for the whole younger wizard's life, Remus knows it'd be wrong to engage him in anyway. Besides, James Sirius Potter isn't like him. Remus would never tell Harry that James and Sirius had toyed with him before, but surely James Sirius Potter isn't like _him_.

Because it's not hereditary, no, of course not….

**Author's Note:**

> Wow. This practically BEGS for a hot sequel. ;DDD *lol* B3
> 
> Thanks for reading, and please review!
> 
> -mew-tsubaki ;D
> 
> 2017 note: Ah, yes. I recall in 2011, after writing a lot of Remlilus, I indulged a friend with a couple of RemJSPs. XD Which works as an extension of my love for James/Remus/Sirius, so. Yeah. ;P


End file.
